Ok, We have officially been in our new home for over 6 months now! Absolutely crazy for me to think that. Some days I wake up and never even think about the fact that its ours. I cook, I clean, I play with baby on the floor with out giving it a second thought. But other days I wake up and just stroll through the house and think its mine (well OURS, :-) love you babe) We can do anything we want with it. This will be Paige's first home. Our first home. I am in awe of everything wonderful in my life, and how its all changed SO MUCH in just a years time basically. I became a Mom and a home owner. Still amazes me. I dont even feel like an adult somedays, let alone a mother and home owner! When we signed the papers on our house I expected to wake up the next day and feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. I thought I would be stressed every day about what will break that we cant fix, what project will be next, will we be able to pay the bills... And some days I do stress, but not like I thought it might be. Everyday I look at my smiling little girl and think she cant really be mine. Surely someone will realize she is too perfect to be mine. I keep thinking Im going to do something horribly wrong. I have no clue how to raise a baby. But some how it all works out. Bills get paid, things get done. Everyday Paige wakes up and smiles at me. Reminding me that Im doing something right. I would ask someone to pinch me, but I wouldnt want to wake up.
Sometimes I look at some of my friends lives and think how great they have it. They can leave their house at a moments notice, pack a bag, get on a plane and go to Vegas for the weekend. I couldnt leave my house for an hour without packing a diaper bag with toys, food, diapers etc. (Iv tried and it ended badly for all involved!) I have friends that go and get their nails done every week, Go to the spa, and never think twice about spending a night out with the girls. I cant buy a $15 shirt without feeling guilty that maybe I should buy something for baby instead. And a night out with the girls? Yeah not even sure what that is at this point. I know I could do all these things, but i cant bring myself to. After spending 9 hours everyday away from Paige for work, I hate giving up what little time I feel I get with her in the evening and weekends. Maybe if I was a stay at home mom I wouldnt feel so guilty stealing a few hours to myself every now and then. But she is growing and changing so fast, I hate to miss out on anymore than I have to.
I dont lead a glamorous life by any stretch of the word. I look forward to the days that I dont even have to get out of my PJ's. And while I might look at my friends sometimes and wish I had a reason to wear that cute little dress out and get all dolled up. I know if it came down to it I wouldnt want the hassle of getting ready. Id rather play on the floor in my PJ's with Paige. I can happily say there is very little I would change about my life these days. Id love to be a stay at home mommy, and Id love to have my pre-baby body back :) I can dream for one and work for the other. My life is far from a fairy tale. But Im all grown up now, I'll leave the fairy tales to my little one now. And Im just fine with that.
